


Breathe

by Kannika



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M, Post-Failsafe, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 15:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18854143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kannika/pseuds/Kannika
Summary: Conner bites his lip and looks down, like he’s physically holding back the words, and Kaldur can see the second he lets go of the hesitation, gets up his courage, and says, “It wasn’t like that last time.”“…Last time?”“The…” Conner’s fists tighten. “In M’gann’s head. It didn’t feel like that.”





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Wanted to do something with my two favorite boys. You can see this as romantic or platonic- I just think they have a great relationship. 
> 
> And I am ALWAYS having feelings about Failsafe, so there's that too.

Kaldur sighs when they exit the zeta tube and they’re back in the cave. It’s been a long, terrible day, and normally being here, the place that is slowly starting to feel like home, is enough to make it better but today it’s not. 

Today, someone innocent died on their watch. He’s heard the lecture enough times, about how it’s not their fault, how not even Superman can save everyone every time, but it still digs into him, a thorn in his side that he can’t dislodge. It’s their job. And as their leader, it’s his responsibility when they fail. He can see the exact moment he set the events in motion that led to it, hear the exact words coming out of his mouth that left that spot unprotected, that _person_ unprotected. 

He wonders if he should ask Robin to look up their name. If that would absolve some of the guilt, by vowing to remember them and getting better in their honor, or if it would just attach to the dead body the images of anyone else who knew that name, was waiting to see them again. Won’t get to anymore because of his decisions.

One look at Robin’s face, though, and he is clear on his decision to be the leader. No one who’s thirteen should carry the burden of the dead on their shoulders. 

Batman isn’t there, yet, to see them and receive their report, so they disperse quietly. M’gann, normally at least a little chipper when they come home, flies straight to her room without saying a word to anyone. Artemis and Wally snipe at each other in low tones as they walk in another direction; that’s how they cope, he’s learned, by talking, and they’re not arguing so much as they’re both in bad moods so they both make good targets. They’ll be better once they’ve gotten it out of their systems. Robin heads home immediately, which actually means he might not have to report to Batman at all. He can’t decide if it’s a win or not. 

Conner is walking toward his room, too, behind M’gann, but he stops, first, facing Kaldur. He looks like he wants to say something but doesn’t know how, which grabs his attention immediately. Usually, Conner is impulsive enough to say what he wants and damn the consequences. That he’s thinking about it, that whatever it is scares him…

It’s his job as leader to bridge that gap. “Is something on your mind?”

Conner blinks and looks down at Wolf instead of at him, who immediately presses into his side; Kaldur has to press his lips tight against an inappropriate smile. He’s not sure why Wolf trying to act like a regular dog to Conner is funny, but right now it is. Maybe he’s not doing as well as he thought. 

“Nothing.” Conner says after a moment, shaking his head. “Nothing. I’m fine. Just…”

“None of us are fine right now, I believe.” Maybe if he gives him the permission to talk, he will. Conner is still learning, and Kaldur has to learn with him. 

“You’re thinking about it, too.” 

There’s no denying what he’s asking about, exactly. “Yes. We all are.”

Conner bites his lip and looks down, like he’s physically holding back the words, and Kaldur can see the second he lets go of the hesitation, gets up his courage, and says, “It wasn’t like that last time.”

“…Last time?”

“The…” Conner’s fists tighten. “In M’gann’s head. It didn’t feel like that.”

And Kaldur feels like he’s been punched in the stomach, because _Conner is young enough he’s never seen someone die._

Oh god. Oh, he’s not prepared for this as leader, not at all. But he tries, because prepared or not, it’s still his job. “It… No. It wouldn’t. Because-”

“I know it wasn’t real.” Conner snaps, but his hand digs into Wolf’s fur, who whines and pushes his nose into Conner’s shirt. “I’m not stupid. I just… didn’t think it’d be so… so…”  
He squeezes his eyes shut. 

He’s sure he’s crossing some sort of boundary, but under the discomfort, under the anger, all Kaldur can read on him is fear, and the only thing he knows to do with fear is try to chase it away. Even from someone who spends so much energy pushing everyone away. 

“Come,” Kaldur says, putting a hand gently on Conner’s shoulder. “The ocean always calms me down.”

Conner snorts, which he realizes pretty easily means _of course it does,_ but follows him out anyway. Wolf shadows him much closer than usual, nearly tripping him, and Conner looks annoyed but doesn’t try to make him stop. 

“He knows you are upset.” Kaldur says to explain why he’s smiling, as they sit down outside on the edge of the waves. He lets his feet dangle into the water, feels the familiarity to him that says _everything is going to be alright I am going to be okay,_ and feels a little less tossed to the wolves. “Dogs are excellent at reading emotions. He is trying to comfort you.” 

“I figured that.” Conner says brusquely, and sits down next to him. He thinks he’s going to sit further back, but he sticks his feet in the water, too, still in boots. Whereas most humans flinch away from unexpected cold, he doesn’t show that he feels it at all. Another way in which he’s different, another thing to make note of. “I don’t mind.” Like he’s trying to prove it, he reaches up and scratches Wolf behind the ears, who yawns and lies down behind Conner’s back, pressing into him without getting wet like they are. 

They sit for a moment in silence. Kaldur doesn’t know what Conner’s doing, what he’s thinking, but he hopes he’s listening to the waves as they lap quietly against the shore and watch the moon rise in front of them. The familiarity of it is part of it, but the other thing that’s comforting is that it’s bigger than him. He feels very small, in comparison to the ocean and its billions of creatures, the night sky and all its worlds far beyond his view. He feels too big, sometimes, too spotlighted as the protégé of Aquaman and trusted advisor to his king and leader of the team. It feels good to be anonymous, sometimes. A small part of a cooperative, well-working whole instead of an integral component. 

“The ocean has a heartbeat.” Conner murmurs, sounding awed. 

“The waves, you mean?”

Conner nods, looking up to the moon, narrowing his eyes at it like he can pick out a pulse for it too. “It’s like it’s breathing. I never noticed.” 

“It is soothing, isn’t it?”

Conner hesitates, then blurts, “I can hear them.” 

Kaldur blinks, lost. “The waves?”

“Heartbeats.” He looks down at the ground, like he’s ashamed. “The team’s. Wally’s is the fastest. Yours is the slowest. M’gann’s doesn’t beat like a human’s. Robin’s is quietest because he’s smallest. Artemis’s is…” He pauses a second, trying to find the word. “Angriest.” 

Kaldur is intrigued, to say the least. This is one of the first conversations he’s had with Conner, and he’s never quite sure where it’s going to go, and this wasn’t a turn he was expecting. He’s been trying to keep track of the ways in which Conner acts differently from them as a Kryptonian instead of a human, but he didn’t expect this one. He’s never heard any of the League talk about Superman hearing heartbeats, but he does know that he can hear better than a normal person. It makes sense, even if he wasn’t anticipating this.

“When did it start?” 

Conner hesitates again, looking out at the water instead of at him, and Kaldur can guess what that means. 

“After the simulation, as well?”

He breathes out, nods. “I woke up able to hear them. They were… fast. Scared. Mad. I’ve heard them since. Wolf’s, too.”

“What about yours?”

Conner shrugs. “Not really. Not unless I’m alone.”

That makes sense. He’s still trying to work out what this has to do with the civilian who died. “What else can you hear?”

Conner goes silent so abruptly he knows he guessed in the right direction, and Kaldur turns his attention back out to the water. He can kind of guess at what Conner is telling him, what it’s like to hear things that are silent to others. He can feel the pull of the water on his ankles, now, as if it has its own electricity, like it’s trying to merge with his bloodstream. It tugs at him, pulls him, but centers him at the same time. The others don’t feel that, because for all of them the ocean means death and for him it means life. He couldn’t explain that, either, so he can wait for Conner to try his best. 

It’s probably ten minutes before Conner speaks again. 

“I heard her heart stop.” 

Kaldur looks over at him sharply. “I thought-“

“I didn’t hear it until it stopped.” Conner’s trying so hard to keep his voice level that his hands are trembling, and he shoves them in his pockets when he catches Kaldur looking. “I just… it was there, in the background, and then it wasn’t, and… in the simulation, I was kind of aware of it when it stopped, too, but there… there wasn’t…”

“There wasn’t a body.”

Conner looks over at him, a little desperate for him to understand, so much so that it looks like anger. “It _felt. Empty._ ”

Kaldur nods. “Death is… horrible.”

Conner nods, too. Puts his head in his hands. “I didn’t… feel it before.”

“It will…” He almost says _it will get easier,_ but stops himself. That’s a lie. He doesn’t like when adults tell him well-meaning lies, he won’t do the same to Conner even now. “That’s terrible.”

Conner eyes him warily, like he was expecting him to say it, too. When Kaldur doesn’t, he sighs and leans back so that he’s lying on the wet ground instead, staring up at the sky. There are stars, now. Maybe the sight of space calms him the same way he feels the ocean. He certainly looks like he’s breathing, now, but that might also be Wolf, who he’s using as a pillow and doesn’t seem to mind. 

“The League sees death every day.” He mutters, sounding exhausted. 

Kaldur, on impulse, lies back, too, feeling anchored by the water on his feet. He can see why Conner likes looking at the sky. “I don’t know how they do it.” He agrees. He really doesn’t. His king holds so much responsibility and he still smiles. On days like this, Kaldur feels like he has to fight to make his face remember how to move. 

Conner sighs, a little more centered. “Thanks.”

Right now, the smile is easy, automatic. “Any time, Conner.”

They don’t move for hours, though, because sometimes, to forget, you have to make yourself be small instead of holding the weight of the world.


End file.
